If i could roll this into a blunt and dome it by myself, I’d be the happiest girl alive. I just need to smoke.
I’m the one to make the wrong decision, thinking it is the right one.
Lately all I have wanted to do is smoke. When I smoke I forget about the divorce of my parents. It’s not final; my dad moved out yesterday though. For about a month I was the only one that knew other then my parents. I believe yesterday they told my sister that is 5. I don’t think she understands and that is what makes it hard for me. My best friend of 4 years or so is no longer my friend. I’m okay with it, but it still sucks to lose a best friend; specially in a time like this. Also, the wonderful girl that is my best friend moved to Virginia. I found out about my parents divorce just a couple days before she moved. Her brother, first started out as a crush, also became my best friend. He did do me shitty. He fucked my world up for a while. When we started talking i was in a low spot of my life. He pulled me out of it with all his lies. I fell for him and he just dropped me. It was horrible. I HATED him. We had to work things out though. My best friend and him aren’t only brother and sister but best friends. He was gonna be around, it seemed like the best thing to do. I made the decision to forgive him, not really forget. We became close; another best friend. He knew me better then his sister did. I came to him for everything. Then just one day, well when he started talking to this nasty ass shank he stopped talking to me. & I’m not just saying she is a nasty ass shank because she is the reason me and him aren’t like we were. She really is. Everyone knows she is but no one really cares because she is pretty and is goods with words. The day I found out about my parents i texted him, no reply. It hurt so bad. We hadn’t talked in a while but who do i go too? Best friend one is no longer a friend, best friend two has no phone and I can’t get a hold of her for certain reasons, he was the only one i completely trusted; only person i could talk to about anything. But he let me down. It sucked, things are better now. Me and him talked about it at a different time, we are okay now. He isn’t with that bitch. I still don’t talk to him really anymore. Every since all this has happen I’ve smoked weed almost everyday, only ever going one day without smoking. Smoking keeps all this out of my head; clears my mind.
The decisions i need to make;
First i have to give a little background to why i need to make these decisions. There is guy, yes he is an ex. We have’t dated in almost three years. We have been friends this whole time. Well more then friends i guess.
I want We both want to try again. We both have grown up and I’m ready for a serious relationship. He doesn’t know I smoke weed. This isn’t going to sound good, but i lie to him and tell him I don’t. Every time it comes up i deny deny deny. I hate it. I feel bad. I don’t know how he would react if i told him i smoke. I don’t want him to think differently of me, i don’t want things to change. I don’t know if he smokes either. I have never asked. He lives less then an hour away from me, if he lived closer and hung out with the people around here I would know the answers to my questions. I need to decide if i should tell him i smoke. Or quit smoking and tell him i use to smoke but i quit. Or quit smoking and not ever say anything about me smoking. I HATE making decisions. Making the wrong decision is my biggest fear. I really think i have anxiety. I think of everything that could go wrong. I might just figure out if he smokes or not and decide what to do from there.
*Sorry for the venting in this, i really didn’t mean for all of this to be typed. It was suppose to be short and simple like all my other post. This is what happens when you have no one to talk to. I’m open to advice if anyone took their time to read this shit.